With the eyes closed, the mind has a perfect view.

Ohh! A few days ago, I was just about to write a fluffy TAGR oneshot! But I just got the header thing done and then sort of lost interest. D: I mean, I still love the story idea and everything, but I think it needs a little more work before I just spit it out like that. And then I thought of a story idea for Tsukihime, of all things. No real plot, just a little romantic scenario... Pshht. Distracted by vampires and fainting spells and romance, how predictable.

Either way, I should write something. I've got free time that I should use productively, and I've gotten quite used to the idea of myself as a fanfic author.

I guess that's it. Maybe I'll write today...

I did it! I did it! And I'm hooked! ^^ I already have more ideas for other characters, other fandoms... It really is fun, and I don't feel ast nervous or silly writing it as I expected to.

So before I go on farther, my first fic...

Title: Thursday’s Memories
Author: …Um, me? The honorable secretreadings? ^^;
Fandom: Rune Factory
Characters: Heavily Russell-centric, but others show up. (Not like he lives in a vacuum...)
Rating: Oh, T/PG-13, whatever. Just to be safe It's entirely "clean," but... *Points below*
Warnings: Sad war memories, angst, drunkenness, general unhappiness, etc.
Obligatory disclaimer: Rune Factory is not mine.
Author’s Note: This is actually the first real fanfic I’ve ever written, so I’m aware that there might be some problems with it. But I really, really tried on this one! I’ll be glad to listen to suggestions if there are any major problems. Anyway, this was inspired by some of Russell’s dialog in the game. About his past, and how he implies that he likes to drink fairly heavily at times. Of course, the two kind of fit together in my mind, so there you have it.

( Onward to the story... )

So there it was. I'll leave it up to the world to decide how I did. But I'm already proud of it, proud of myself, just because I had the courage to do it. The important thing is that I tried.

I know it seem like I've all but abandoned this thing... Well, I haven't. I just haven't had much to say here lately. But now I do.

Because I'm finally going to write some fanfiction.

Just a little oneshot I thought of today. About Rune Factory, of all things. And it will be delicious, delicious Russel angst! (What else? :D) And it will be painful and reflective and bittersweet and pitch-black around the edges, of course.

I feel nervous. I'm a little old to be starting with this sort of thing, I know. Well, I did write about three badfics for my own enjoyment when I was 13, but those were never shown and I usually forget about them myself.

But still. It's time to do it. I want to take the plunge.

*Scold* This is why we keep up with our fandoms, even when we think the last nail has been thrust in to the coffin.

...Ehk. Zim. Loop. Farther out than thought. Longstanding questions answered or half-answered. I no know what think. Some things like. Some things don't. Canon good. But canon disappointing in way.

It's like the whole Tak debacle all over again. When she finally showed up, I liked her, she was awesome, good character, couldn't really complain. Didn't really want to complain. But part of me still mourned the fact that Tak fanon was lost forever.

...I should explain myself now before the point gets lost in a rant about Tak. Thing is, I found one piece of concrete info, and one thing was narrowed down to two possible canons. I will state my opinions and thoughts on these things now.

First of all, Gaz's canon full name is apparently Gazline. Huh. I kinda like it. But I'll miss the things the fans came up with. (I've seemed her names Gazette, which is pretty enough to be an actual human's name.)

Second of all... Motherhood issues. So apparently, Dib and Gaz's mom being dead could have been canonized. A bit satisfying, because that was always an important part of their characterization, at least to me. And it would have been a lab accident, which means that she might have been a scientist like her husband, which some people, myself included, were pushing for. And he kept her remains in a jar in the lab. WTF. Oh well, who cares. The most common fan theory is still possibly true.

The other side to this is that it also could have come out that Dib as least was created by Membrane. Don't know if Gaz was. Don't know if want. On one side, the whole dead-mother thing was a part of his character to me almost as much as with Gaz, and now it's possible that neither of them had this in their background. On the other, this is actually MORE interesting, in ways. Especially if Dib was constructed, Gaz was made the old fashioned way, and her mom is dead. This spin on Dib is actually quite appealing. I already liked the way me and others saw his character: escapist, determined, a bit naive, generally disliked, mom is dead, dad ain't there. I'd like to see how he'd react to finding out he was artificially created. Yet another interesting dimension, I suppose.

Also, I can't stand reading about the unfinished episodes and story plans even beyond those. Because it'll never happen. FRUSTRATING FANDOM IS FRUSTRATING. I just want to see them made, any way possible. Don't care if Vasquez is involved in their creation. Just... Someone, get it the hell done.

No wonder this is the one fandom I read fic for.

Actually, I should get in to the fic writing game myself, actually. But I'd feel kind of funny getting in to it at this point, or at all, because I've never cranked out a single fanfic. And I have no ideas. Oh well, we'll see.

Speaking of fanfic, enjoy my other favorite author:
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/100777/Reve (Yes, all my favorite authors seem to write only a few things, but at least this one didn't throw me for a loop by taking them down after years of inactivity.)

Black Tuesday is my favorite out of them. I can't believe how she just nailed how it feels to wake up on mornings like that. It's just a small thing that we all experience, and she made it realistic and beautiful. Also, it captures the futility of returning to a dream. And I love the way she writes Dib, and her characterization of him. I love characterization at that, where the subject is in character, but they aren't necessarily acting like they do in canon, just how they COULD act, without stretching the boundaries of their personality even the slightest bit. Showing them reacting to life like a human, I guess. That's all I'll say. Just read.

...These entries keep getting longer. And as they get longer, I get more sad at the fact that I don't think anyone will read them. I keep them public, but I don't think anyone will find this journal. I wish there was an "add me" community for Zim fans, or something. *Slump* And I also worry that I'd be embarrassed if people started reading and commenting and stuff... But then I remember that's why I made this journal. It's an identity apart from my "real" online persona, so it's a space where I can have no fear. A place to be stupid or creepy or full of weird theories without worrying about being laughed out of... Things... Places. Ooh, liberating. That's why I can't get carried away with self-consciousness here, the way people do with their public face to the world.

(And now it's even longer.)

Whooooo... I'm out of touch.

Eh, go here if you want to know things. I think that's enough.

As I said, I've been out of touch. I've only returned to the Zim fandom in brief spurts over the past five years or so, mostly because there hasn't really been anything new and it got a little depressing since a year or so after it went off.

Anyway, people nowadays really, REALLY like complaining about the fans of that show. My first reaction was always to defend the fandom, and it still is, but now that I'm a bit less out of the loop, I can kind of see what they mean. Whatever it was in '01-'03, when I was involved, it's the polar opposite now. Like the example above. I had no idea until last night that there was a massive clique of Dib-loving Gaz-bashers. I'm really lost on that one, because last time I checked, there wasn't really that kind of divide. What I remember is that there were people who focused more on the humans and people who focused more on the Irkens, but that line was blurred and everyone interacted freely. (I guess I was/am part of the former, sort of. But ya gotta love those aliens, eh?)

I don't know. Even though I was just a lurker and a binge fanfic reader in those days (ironic, because I'm very talkative in fandom now, but I rarely even look at a fic), mostly because I was really young (12/13) and pretty shy, I miss the old days. It was my second real fandom and one of the only times when I got in on the ground floor. The people were cool, from what I saw. Everyone got along for the most part, and the drama writers were so good that I suspect this might be why I've never been interested in fanfics since.

Beh. As long as we're all lamenty and stuff, how about some pointlessly melodramatic ficcage? All dark and a bit disturbing. Check it out:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/442614/2/Over_The_Stars
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/968929/1/Gray

Well, I'll go easy on you for now. That was my longest post in this journal, so I'll wait until next time to talk about my OTHER favorite fic author. The one who I didn't make this journal to track down. :P

...I really should talk about that more.

Anyway, this!
http://www.fogu.com/hm6/forgirl_bestfriend.php?p=n

Please let it have been kept in the English version! Please please please! :D There are more cool girls than cool guys in the games anyway!

Well, aside from in Rune Factory, where it's even. But hey, I wished my male character could marry Russel in that game, so I guess that goes to show you. And it's ironic that Cliff is probably my favorite recurring character. Cliff and Karen and Maria, really. I played the 64 game first, and there's just... Something about it.

But yeah.

I CAN HAS LESBIAN WITCH WIFE? 8D

I haven't really been looking after this account since my last update. Mostly because my fic-search fell flat. Someone said that they're good at finding things that were taken down, but I really doubt that is going to come to anything. *Throws hands in the air, gives up*

So until that comes to anything, if it does, I might indulge in a few other out-of-character-pleasures (you know, not GUILTY pleasures, but things that belong to a different side of myself). I might join some communities, maybe.

Also, I've been thinking of reading Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. I know, I know. I've heard a lot of bad things about it, undoubtedly from people trying to sound cool, but it really seems like something that would appeal to my personal interests, even if it IS horribly cheesy.

...I dunno. I want to sneak around, indulge in interests that I don't show publicly. I've always gotten a charge out of having an extra self, if you will.

Also, I want to redo this journal, and maybe add more interests.

Time to get on these things, STAT.

Wha, I need more icons!

Anyway...

Doujin:
http://x-atticus-x.deviantart.com/art/Forget-Me-Not-cover-TAGR-49940847

Interesting concepts that I've been aware of for almost ten years but never knew they were noticed and named by others until recently:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RomanticTwoGirlFriendship
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SchoolgirlLesbians

Ack, I've been neglecting this account. I have little to say, but have some Invader Zim shoujo-ai for your trouble.

These are all Gaz and Tak:
http://tagr-love.deviantart.com/art/Tak-and-Gaz-35172948
http://crimson-cat.deviantart.com/art/GATR-Halloween-66527294
http://s-edesla.deviantart.com/art/Colored-Deceptive-TaGr-67102510 (Might be my favorite!)
http://crimson-cat.deviantart.com/art/friends-27647332
http://crimson-cat.deviantart.com/art/Square-Like-30711740 (This is hilarious!)
http://ladyyatexel.deviantart.com/art/You-re-In-My-Light-31846207?q=by%3Aladyyatexel&qh=sort%3Atime+-in%3Ascraps (Oh man. So in-character.)
http://broken-time.deviantart.com/art/Hand-to-hand-lurve-61470315 (Squee!)
http://crimson-cat.deviantart.com/art/random-gatr-luv-41222350
http://mind-ghosties.deviantart.com/art/A-Little-Much-Love-50520184 (Just plain cute.)

And I've never seen this pairing before:
http://crimson-cat.deviantart.com/art/Zita-Gretchen-61014271 (Zita looks so awesome...)

Well, that's all for now!

Well, my quest has officially begun. I just joined every community I thought would be helpful and posted in them. Just in case someone comes across this journal, here's what I crossposted to all of those:

Hey, all! I was wondering if you could help me with something.

Years and years ago, when I was first getting in to Zim (around 2001), I read fics by this author. Back then and for a while after, she (I assume they were a she) wrote under the pen name Key no Lullaby, but later changed it to dream tears (as you can see).

If you went to the link, it should be obvious that there aren’t any fics, and that’s what I was wondering if you could help me with.

In case you don’t know the author, I’ll describe the stories I’m looking for. The long, main one was called “Twisted Runaway,” and it dealt with the issues that Gaz had when she got older, with her unrequited love for Tak as sort of a backdrop for the whole thing. I think the second was called “Key no Lullaby,” and it was a songfic with this song, and had to do with… I think Gaz walking outside and looking at the sky.

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone had them on file of knew if they were still posted anywhere. I’ve googled them several times, so I’m guessing they’re not still online. But they were my favorite fics and I’d like to at least read Twisted Runaway again.

Thanks in advance, I know the outlook for finding these isn’t great. ^^;

Crossposted anywhere that has people who might know.

*Waves* Hey, LiveJournal. ^^; This is kind of weird, since I've had my main account for years and years, but we all have to start somewhere, I guess.

I got the idea to make a second account because I wanted to ask around for a certain fic that got taken off fanfiction.net, but then it occurred to me that it didn't have to stop there. So this is going to be my slash (mostly shoujo-ai, but you never know what might pop up) journal. The reason I'm keeping this hidden away from my "real" journal is that I've always felt funny unless I had a secret side to my life, so there you go. This is where I'll channel my nonsensical interest in shoujo-ai, and maybe even say things I'd be uncomfortable saying in my real journal. Almost like my own private fandomsecrets!

What will go here? Random musings about pairings, newbie attempts at finding subtext (I'm actually not much of a shipper), links to fic and art, and whatever rambles pop in to my mind that would work here. I might not update very regularly, though, so... Well, I guess that's just how it is. Like I said, this is mostly just a finding-things journal.

So... That's all! Enjoy if you choose to read. This is mostly for my own enjoyment, so no pressure.